Remember the Sparrow

I am a fish killer. One morning last week my goldfish Sparrow (RIP) was floating upside down in the top of his bowl. I lovingly and sadly scooped him out with the net. No movement or flutter of little happy fins. I carried him to the bathroom with tears in my eyes. No movement. I plopped him into the toilet and THEN he started to swim. Did I scoop him out and rinse him off? NOOOOO, I took a deep (sad & teary) breath and flushed. I closed the lid because I could not look. I am a fish killer.

It is bad to be a fish killer. People stop trusting you to babysit their fish, and worse, when you tell them that another fish has passed away to the great fish bowl in the sky, they accuse you of “setting it free”. Sparrow is not the first fish I have sent prematurely to a watery grave, and likely is not the last. Every once in a while I think, “We need a fish”.  Maybe I should be dissuaded by the fish sales person who thinks it is inhumane to put a goldfish in an actual bowl. Apparently a full tank is needed. I must interject here that Sparrow had a long (for a goldfish) and happy life.

I chose the name Sparrow for my fish for two reasons:  I named him Captain Jack Sparrow because fish come from the sea and so do pirates. But I also named him Sparrow because it reminded me of one of my favorite verses in the Bible which is found in Matthew 10. Jesus is talking with the disciples about the hard path of discipleship. He tells them that if a single sparrow falls from the sky, the Father is aware of it. If a single, seemingly insignificant bird or a tiny goldfish perish, our Father is aware of it. Matthew 10:31, says this, “So don’t be afraid, you are more important to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” 

In the middle of whatever is going on in my life, whether big or small, I take comfort in the fact that God cares for me. He has given the birds of the air everything they need and they are just birds. I, His beloved child, am given so much more. I, His beloved child, have value to God. And so, I remember the Sparrow.

Transformed

At different times of the year I feel like I need a transformation: the new improved me, or the younger fitter me. I typically end up with the same old me in a new outfit. Transformation for the low, low price of $80! If only it was that easy to be renewed or transformed.

I crave, even long for, being a person who looks more like my heavenly father and less like my earthly self. So often the desire for godliness doesn’t translate to the actions that, when taken on my part, would lead me closer to him and the transformation I desire. My teenage son recently said it like this: “Sometimes I feel really close to God, and others I don’t feel close to Him at all.” My husband reminded him that in order to feel really close to someone, to feel kinship and connectedness, you have to spend time hanging out with them.

I long for time with good friends-the ones with whom conversation is not an effort, the ones who care about the silly and important details in my life. These are the friends who really know me and love me anyway. I will arrange my schedule to go away with them, and juggle a thousand details to go to coffee. This connectedness comes from history and trust and time spent together.  In fact, if you saw us together you would probably be able to tell we were friends. People who spend a lot of time together often start to resemble each other in mannerisms, the way they look, and the way they communicate.  

The same is true in my relationship with God. If I don’t feel connected, if I don’t see His transforming work in my life, it’s highly possible that I am not spending time hanging out with Him. If I don’t feel close, it is I who am moving away. If I am not becoming someone who more closely resembles Him, it could be that I am making time for the wrong things.

Transformation is a work of the Holy Spirit in my life, but it does require some participation on my part. Bible study, meditation, and prayer all lead to intimacy and connectedness to the Father.  Even time spent with him while walking the dog, or that quiet moment when I stop to remember all his goodness toward me, are meaningful ways to connect. Connectedness leads to transformation. You can’t help but be more like those you spend a lot of time with. 

Romans 12:2 "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."